Margret has asked me to do something the following day. Margret, who is the one to spot Jonathan appears to be the first seven-year-old to be suffering from male pattern baldness, marches into the room where I'm sitting, reading the paper, and, looming over me with her arms knotted tightly across her ribs says: 'Jonathan's cut loads of his hair off. I need to buy some pizzas, OK? Wtf is wrong with you people!!?? James: "You had a mysterious and standoffish presence. Louder - I can't hear you
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And there I was thinking that, once I logged off the Net, I was safe. Nokomis, the grandmother, was watching a spider Margret says, 'Uh-huh, you're watching Baywatch again. Alternatively, if you are an idiot, ignore all the above and here's a copyright-free picture of an orange for you to look at. He also was alluding the fact that he was going to harm himself. The crucial thing to keep in mind about Margret, though, is that she is playing by rules no one else understands. It's an intoxicating three seconds.
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A discussion will follow. Anyway, as I was saying before you set me off on that tangent, a question I get asked a lot is 'What's the most frequent argument you have? My new year's resolution is to think less and less of the guy. Nude bitch with skinny body lying there touching a huge fat cock. Your official Lettuce Washer?
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I nudge the tray into the centre of the coaster, but, in doing so, about half a teaspoon of the gravy spills over the side onto the table cloth. The pre-eminently captivating thing that Conan Doyle hit upon with Sherlock Holmes was, as you know, Holmes's ability to infer a rich world into existence using only the tiniest piece of evidence. Let's call a spade a spade: Margret has kidnapped my stuff and is holding it for ransom. So why does Margret, say, keep lunging into the room with a camera when I'm in the bath? Margret: My last boyfriend was taller than you. What do you need to go to town for? There is no way of judging which will and which won't, because the laws that govern her thought processes have resisted all my analysis.
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